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Lexie's Diaries

writing, feelings, emotional stories and poems

Don’t take it easy…

Hard on the wall

The bruised fist

Punch from a the heart

Let anger leave

Your sigh, your gasp…

Just go, be hurt, damage yourself.

Your don’t deserve another chance…
And ruled by hatred, led by screams

Weak steps, your burning lungs,

Those purple marks left on your skin

The bleeding knuckles…Go, continue.

Her trembling body, glance and fear

The loss of someone who’s devoted,

Would give own life to stay beside 

Just see you beaming one more time…

@lexiealie

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The Energy

The power overwhelming you
Have you been drunk? On drugs? Totally wasted?

And now roaming recklessly around me…
Just let me go, stop chasing endless…

Love… No, I’ve betrayed you after…

Waiting, too long… For you to need me

Do not pretend, I sense the fakery.
Stop crippling over skin, my pale purple body

Grabbing with nails, long thin fingers

Filthy, beautiful… Gimme the damn e-cigarette!

I’m not a smoker, ain’t insane

Just being stupid, playing games

With you… I’m trapped, I’m risking!
And while drowning in this blur,

With neither energy nor life support,

Last spark went out, I don’t see you

Anymore… And I don’t need to…

The world you showed appeared dizzy

I’ve barely managed to exist

I lost myself and I’ve failed you

Knowing it’s toxic, did not stop it

Just one more sip of energy…

@lexiealie

The “reckless”

Long cig in hand, walking ahead

The empty street : not soul, nor glare

Waving one hand for all I care,

Both drunk and broken… I’ve failed myself.

High heels are knocking on the highway,

In rainy storm approaching sideways

This night won’t end in peace, I’m reckless

In search of new forbidden actions.

 

  • Lexie A-ly

insta : @lexie_lil_artist

 

 

In the end…love bites

Her laugh and cuteness Overwhelmed him

They got attached, breaking main rules

What had been awkward became loose

‘Forgive me please, she signed at last

I didn’t mean to…’ She sadly said

Not realizing it’s a trap

They’re cool, they’re close

Restrain oneself, don’t cross the border

They’ve created.

She suddenly became addicted…
‘I think I love you as a friend,

Her first admitting all she felt,

‘Stop crying, girl, 

It’s not the end,

I love you too, my little friend’,
Those words were marked,

Forever left,

In memory… 

Give them just moment, he’d forget…

Whichever promises he’d made

She still in love but they are distant,

No more attachment. Empty tears.

“You weren’t real from the start,

But I’ve felt it all this time, 

Recently buried in heart, the promise, trust, devotion, love… 

I’ll let you go, quietly leave

It is my fault, I’ll bear with it…”

@lexiealie

We are afraid…

Our biggest fear and confusion in life is ‘The Change’… 

We are afraid of what’s coming, not even realizing that without it we would’ve missed so much amazing things in life!
@lexie_alie

Feeling sorry for being You

‘I am sorry, I really am deeply sorry… ‘ Quite miserable and stupid but sometimes… that’s the only thing you have left to say. You keep apologizing, constantly blaming the reality within yourself, while knowing that people don’t need these words, having already forgiven you a long time ago. But You Need it, you must hear ‘it’s ok’ just one more time, as it’ll calm you down. That’s useless, because if you can’t fix yourself, not able to find self-acceptance, you are practically and literally A VICTIM and a prisoner in your own being. From personal experience, always searching for support in others as a child, I’ve realized that NO ONE CAN HELP YOU UNTIL YOU FIX YOUR BRAIN AND CHANGE THE ATTITUDE. Stop waiting for someone to solve your problems. Even if it seems like people help you in finding ways out. That’s temporary and you have to be able to stay on your own, being totally independent in order to live a successful, beautiful life…
@lexiealie

Keep feeding Devil… 

From the beginning, starting over
On this blank paper, brush the past

Finding connections between the pieces

From the remaining dust and glass…
New life, new passion, dreams, ambitions

The past still bugs her but she’ll handle

With time… Taking all memories away…
After the light, there is a darkness. 

And afterwards – one glooming spark

With the beginning, goes new ends,

Attachments, lies that lead to Hell, 

Inhabited by inner creatures you have raised.

To feel, be hurt, enjoy, then suffer,

The pain for debt you couldn’t pay

Just play along, it’s part you

It’s in the bloodstream since your birth.

Don’t waste the time searching for cure, 

Not even treatment will you find. 

The Devil, You, keep feeding demons

Until they haven’t devoured you… 

@lexie_alie

it’s forcing us to live

At times I wonder what’s holding me in this world, from leaving…Life is so damn complicated, so why? Why we keep struggling, improving, trying to work things out when we face unbearable challenges, when we are hurt and seems like there is not much to lose?

I can’t tell you the answer, because those ain’t words… It is a Feeling.  And that feeling is that same Reason, the answer, which is unsurprisingly very different for everyone.

Something personal each one of us, as a human, has, finding hard time expressing…

‘Just smile one more time for me…’,

@lexiealie

losing yourself

Maybe losing something, someone is not that scary in fact. We never know what has been loss and what has been already lost before. You don’t really know what loss is because maybe it just an illusion you have to rethought in your head. Sometimes things seem to be to blurred and messed up that it only seems to be so damn bad when I fact , it’s almost nothing.

But I wouldn’t disregard anyone’s thoughts or problems. It’s far too personal to judge even though some people look pretty stupid at times. Judgement is what gets in the way of any friendship, any kind of relations between people in general. We are used to it and it comes almost automatically but that’s not the way to go.

I keep noticing that people don’t respect each other and I’ll admit it implies to me too but at least I do realize it’s wrong. It’s really hard to escape it. And losing respect, trust is even worse. I don’t feel like we can gain it back, to be honest, because even if we do, there is always gonna be something holding us back. Fear… Of losing it again.

A person who has been truth-worthy , once having done something to lose trust, will doubtfully become that close person again.

You’ll never be the same despite anything.

Like a gap between two identities I find hard time to live with… That feels like loss, as we are losing some part of person, and we are afraid, insecure that this may happen again and again. Like a cycle full of frustration and pain…

P.S Stay strong, it’s not over.  You ain’t done yet…

@lexiealie

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