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Lexie's Diaries

writing, feelings, emotional stories and poems

my dear borderline…

Suppressing weakness concerns and fear,

Why can’t you cope with thoughts, my dear

 

Do you believe your eyes or actions?

You got no answers, nor directions

Sorry, I robbed you off your passion.

 

I’ll build new bordersĀ  walls like sphere

To trap your mind forever here.

I’ll come and visit now and then

To check if you’re lost again.

  • Lexie A-ly

insta : @lexie_lil_artist

 

 

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Guardian Angel…

Orbing in air, he’s somewhere…
Not beside you, not more than ever

Losing your Angels hurts like spare
Will he return? One day… Will ever?

And put his wing around you, 

wiping hot tears off your face…
He’s taking pain, again and always

All of her suffering upon himself

And making up that smiling mask…
Forgive the girl… She’s crying near… Too

Take time you need, I’ll disappear

Until your wounds are fully healed…

@lexie_alie

Judgement

It’s a new day in her life, just like all other days she’s survived until that moment. Nothing special about getting your phone back but it was never about the phone or media. The people, friends, including wrong ones too but what if …? 

Everyone has their own values and the idea of judging something you prefer to consider unimportant is disrespectful towards another person. 

She hates judgements, no matter who is the one making them. 

* * *

@lexiealie

Under the Rainy

Feels like BPD…

They tell you have lost ur mind
Keep asking questions that u hate

Complaining about being anxious, nervous

Not knowing what ur going through

Wishing to tell the truth sometimes 

But only few restrain from judgement.

Much easier – ignoring, keeping silence

Why care about smb’s mood swings, emotions?

About being stuck and nervous

Suffering from the mind issues, 

Being hollow… 

But ppl will not understand, won’t ever, 

Just put the smiling mask on ‘pretty’ face, 

Hiding and masking undersurface…

@lexiealie

Tonight. I am depersonalized…

I’m tired… I’m falling deeper
The worry, the anxiety is beating.

My heart may handle, it may stop

Don’t rip it up, it’s tough enough

Living derealized, in pain and comfort

Faint through nightmares, stopping thoughts

Creating drama out of ‘purple’

Her favorite color, glooming hues

Is all she’s seen tonight while dreaming

Seeing his figure’s shadow 

at the beginning of New Life

Asking herself if she deserved it…


@lexiealie

Miserability feels like…

Sometimes I feel

Something within me

Bleeding inside

Wishing to die

The hollowness, the thirst, the hunger

That’s made me shiver to the point of faint

Cutting my skin, scratches remaining… Deeper and deeper, take that dagger

Stop me from breathing

Do not regret, enjoy, just killing…
Don’t hesitate, let go off hand

The one that’s trembling, almost dumb

Accept the coldness, starve till blood,

Will take you over, getting stronger

Damaging, ruining soul, decaying

Your miserable horror life

It’s an illusion… Opened door

Towards the consciousness, mind power,

Imagine things, imagined life…

Shutting the eyes, locking nightmares

The world is tough yet isn’t ruined

Not yet, not utterly at least…

For now, stay, I’ll die for you!

You’re better off without me…

Keep smiling. Don’t you dare worrying,

I’ll leave in hidden tears, never returning…

@lexiealie

Life equals Dagger

The closest friends… Will never happen.

Again… Maybe it’s gone forever 

She’s started life, the one of Angel

With clarity and new directions

It’s time to let the present rule

And leave the darkness of the past to fade…
Afraid to make mistakes, to stumble

She’s standing on the edge of Dagger

Trying to keep balance between worlds

The one Inhabited by ghastly monsters

And on the other end – The Lost.
Feet are in blood, while she’s still walking…

Towards the future, fixing lights

Along this murky, gloomy boulevard.

To build that steady, structured city

Get rid of dust and dirt on streets

And take a walk, with head up high

Feel that at least for once it’s Right.
A bit of pride, knowing she’s fixed it

With smile and peace in heart

Ready to go through all the pain, 

To finally move on, 

Taking another step along the endless… Dagger, which represents our lives, 

Our fight and struggles,

The game, defining who’ll remain, 

And who will fall hard in the void, 

Who’s failed, having lost the Balance…

@lexiealie

The Special…

The perfect moment, being happy The feelings that has lit your life

And added colors on the canvas,

Don’t ever let this second go…
And let it freeze, the time at standstill

Two figures somewhere together, disappearing…

In crowds, shadows, under the sunlight

Those smiling eyes in one another

To be sincere, become special

To keep the loyalty, compassion

Support each other, fill with courage

Go up against all envy glances

The only things defined as heaven

Save those most precious things forever…

@lexiealie

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